The worst part about being sick isn’t the wearing down of my body…it’s the wearing down of my mind.
On healthy days my mind is sharper. It can see the enemy’s traps and tactics in advance. But on days I am sick, it’s like the back door of my mind is opened for the enemy to sneak right in with a whole bunch of crazy.
The first thoughts that slip in under the radar are thoughts of being overwhelmed. Everything that could possibly need done over the next month comes crashing into my mind, creating a pile that appears impossible and screams the word NOW at me! If I had any clarity in the moment I would remind myself that the pile in fact does NOT need done now. I would see that I am surrounded by people willing to help. And most importantly I would know that I am loved by a God who is faithful to assist me in accomplishing any mountain size list of things to do.
However, when I am sick, all of those truths tend to hide from me under a thick illness induced fog where crazy thoughts grow rampant instead.
From there my mind takes a turn and gets tangled up in thoughts of how I can best control the situation. Instead of just letting go of everything and taking time to fully rest, I wrestle with figuring out how to get things done in spite of my illness. This is truly ridiculous. For hours I stressed about whether or not it was better to drag myself to the grocery store or have my husband take on that responsibility.
I contemplated my dilemma . . . which would truly be more difficult . . . going to the store sick while resembling a character from the Walking Dead, or sending my husband on what would inevitably feel like a wild goose chase as he tries to track down all the items on our grocery list in the labyrinth known as Giant.
I decided the world was not ready for the Walking Dead version of me, and once I stopped trying to control everything, I was amazed at how God showed up. Technically it was my friend Rachel that showed up at Giant. Seeing my husband staring blankly at the shelves, she graciously offered to assist him in getting the items on the list. Talk about a miracle in aisle 10!
But why did that have to be such a difficult decision? Why didn’t I think the good Lord would help my husband and return him safely from the grocery maze? Instead crazy thoughts ensued which led me to the next trap . . . irritability.
After my husband so loving retrieved all the items from the store, he was preparing to go to a Women’s Event where he was to be a part of the worship team. As he was getting ready to walk out the door he asks me one simple question, “Which jacket do you think looks best?”
You would think my brain could handle answering one simple question nicely . . . NOPE! “Why does it matter what jacket you wear, when you will take it off as soon as you get there!”
I totally snapped on my husband, who was getting ready to walk out the door to minister to friends of MINE at a Women’s Retreat!
Nice. Real nice Diane.
And from there I went into the final trap, the I am an awful person trap. There I tell myself what a terrible wife I am, that I am also a horrible mother, and that I basically stink at everything so I might as well throw the towel in and quit it all.
I imagine if you have ever been sick, you might relate to this scenario even if the details of your thoughts are different.
Maybe in the middle of your moments your thoughts tell you that you will never get better, that no one cares you are sick, or that you are all alone.
In the midst of this I am learning how very important it is, especially while I am sick, to ensure that I am focusing my thoughts on the truths from God’s Word, and not believing the many tainted thoughts the enemy slips in the backdoor while I’m feeling weak and worn down.
Perhaps we can all work on this together, and remind each other of this great verse,
“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” Isaiah 26:3
Diane Swan is a Professional Christian Counselor, Speaker and Blogger who is passionate about using her God given gifts to assist ladies in living victorious lives in Christ. She enjoys sharing true life messages that relate to the complex lives of every day women and leaves them feeling equipped to be more than conquerors in all their battles. Diane and her husband Todd are the founders of Seven Swans Ministries, an organization devoted to living out the gifts of the Spirit by offering a unique array of services to encourage, edify and expand God’s kingdom. Connect with Diane anytime: Facebook – Pinterest – Twitter – Website