Chambersburg, PA

Practice Real Love

Happy Feet by Ang Sherpa, edited

Happy Feet by Ang Sherpa, edited

Love. Simply stated it is that beautiful, euphoric sensation that originally drew most of us to the alter that day. We finally met our match!  The bond was firmly intact and every action and word spoken during those newly wed days only confirmed in our hearts that we would be in love forever.

But then it happened . . . life. Life jumped in and started to bump love off the front burner.  Things like busyness, babies, jobs, and agendas began to steal our attention.  Next, unmet needs that had been heating up to a simmer on the back burner now reached to a rolling boil of resentment, leaving love left to the side, cooling off quickly.

It happens to the best of couples, and leaves them feeling heavy hearted and wondering, “Where did the love go?”

Personally, I believe that we stop feeling love, because we stop doing the things that first produced love. Remember back to those early days in the beginning when you and your groom would constantly show each other love and affection? Hugging, kissing, holding hands, smiling, laughing  . . . all those things that came so easy at the time, produced so much love.

What you might not know is that each time you did one of those things a chemical reaction was occurring in your body.  A hormone called Oxytocin was being released and playing an important role in assisting you to bond with your groom.

This little hormone is frequently referred to as the “love hormone” or the “bonding hormone”.  Most often it is referenced when a woman is giving birth, and when she is nursing her child.  The woman’s body secretes this hormone and assist her in developing a maternal bond with her sweet, little, newborn baby.

But what many do not know is that this hormone is also responsible for assisting us to feel in love and attached to our mates.  Whenever we did those things like hug, kiss, and hold hands, our body repeatedly released the “love hormone” and continued to assist us in feeling in love and attached to that man we married. It continued to allow the bond of love to grow.

But once life stepped in, and hurt and resentment took over, the acts of love dwindled away, becoming fewer and farther between.  Simply stated, “less acts of love = less feelings of love”.

I find it so incredible that the great and almighty God designed our bodies to work this way! I also find it amazing that He shares these truths in His word.  1 John 3:18 says “Let’s not just talk about love, let’s practice real love.”

God knows that if we practice real love, and show our husbands love and affection that a chemical reaction will occur and the results will be beautiful. And this doesn’t just happen to wives, it happens to husbands too. The same hormone floods their bodies with each gentle and loving touch they receive from their wife.

The problem more often then not is are we willing to practice?  Are we willing to take our unmet needs and pot of resentment off the burner, give it to Jesus, and start to make cooking love a priority again?

If you feel the Spirit leading you to take this step and practice real love, here are ten “love producing action steps” to get you started.  Each one is scientifically proven to assist both husband and wife in releasing the “love hormone”:

  1. Hugging – Give your hubby at least one 20 second or longer hug a day while simultaneously praying love into his spirit.
  2. Touching  – A sweet, tender touch especially before getting out of bed in the morning, and prior to going to sleep at night. Let each day start and end with a physical and emotional connection between you and your groom.
  3. Kissing – Share at least one 5-10 second kiss per day, and look warmly into his eyes before and after the kiss.
  4. Smile – Offer your husband a warm smile, and whenever possible laugh with him!
  5. Massage – Giving your husband a foot massage is a beautiful way to show love, and release his stress in a non-sexual manner.  A body massage will also be typically well received, but be warned that the desire for number 10 will often be created.
  6. Hand Holding – Embrace one hand over the other while looking into each others eyes.
  7. Dancing – One of my favorites, no need for fancy moves, just two loving bodies in a sweet embrace, swaying to the sound of a favorite song.  (My children will have many memories of their parents enjoying a slow dance in several of the rooms in our home.)
  8. Walking – Go on a walk with your hubby, and to boost hormone release smile at him and hold his hand.
  9. Compliment – More specifically tell your husband what you love about his physical appearance.
  10. Love Making – This one tends to be a favorite for most husbands 😉 But to make it even better  . . . initiate, show your husband that you still desire him sexually, he needs to know these things.

I believe that if we as wives commit to doing these acts of love, along with our previous actions steps  (living by the Spirit and not by the flesh, surrendering it all into Jesus’ hands, and allowing God to give you a new, tender heart) we will begin to see forward movement in our marriages and feel God’s hand upon us, guiding us into a fulfilling spirit of joy.

Blessings to all of you lovely brides! May God’s words and ways be alive in your lives!


diane square   Diane Swan is a Professional Christian Counselor, Speaker and Blogger who is passionate about using her God given gifts to assist ladies in living victorious lives in Christ. She enjoys sharing true life messages that relate to the complex lives of every day women and leaves them feeling equipped to be more than conquerors in all their battles. Diane and her husband Todd are the founders of Seven Swans Ministries, an organization devoted to living out the gifts of the Spirit by offering a unique array of services to encourage, edify and expand God’s kingdom. Connect with Diane anytime: [btn text=”Facebook” tcolor=#008000 bcolor=#FFF link=””] – [btn text=”Twitter” tcolor=#008000 bcolor=#FFF link=””] – [btn text=”Pintrist” tcolor=#008000 bcolor=#FFF link=””] – [btn text=”Website” tcolor=#008000 bcolor=#FFF link=””] 

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