That is what I felt . . . I felt completely violated. That one word speaks so clearly to the complexity of my emotions, and defines the sum of a horrible situation.
A situation where a man disregarded law, acted in a manner to purposely and intently cause harm, deliberately attempted to inappropriately visually assault, and cruelly interrupted and disturbed my moment of safety and peace.
Every sense of the word, every possible definition for this term was experienced all at once.
Perhaps it was because I was so caught off guard, or maybe it was because I spent such a peaceful, beautiful day in prayer and preparation for that evening’s bible study. Whatever the reason, I was not prepared in the least to be in the presence of something so evil.
As the hours past, and the incident lasting only a matter of seconds was long over, I still couldn’t shake the feeling.
I tried to reason with myself, remind myself that I was safe the whole time. After all, I was in my car. He couldn’t get to me, and yet I didn’t feel safe at all.
In my life, when I feel an absence of safety, my tendency is to hide. And so once at home I crawled into my bed, covered myself with multiple blankets, and wrapped up tightly within my makeshift cocoon.
And yet it was still there . . .
I began to cry. I relived the experience in my mind. How I first froze at the shock of the event. How next my flight response kicked in and I sped off in my vehicle. And finally how I arrived at fight, and I whipped my car around to get his license plate number and call the authorities.
All three trauma responses, all within less than one minute.
I could’t help but feel like I should have handled it differently. Scenarios played out in my mind of what I could have done if only I had a weapon. If I had a knife I could of got out and stabbed his tires. Then he wouldn’t have been able to get away before the police came.
For a moment I started to think about purchasing a weapon when I felt God remind me of a weapon I already have . . . prayer.
Interestingly enough that was what my bible study topic was to be on that evening. The weapon of prayer.
So even though it was hours past the incident, I decided to use it, and I began to pray. I cried out to God in pain for having experienced this awful encounter, but I also thanked him for keeping me safe. I voiced my frustrations that the man got away, and then I asked him to assist the police in finding him so he never does this to another woman. I even prayed that God would change this man’s sinful heart.
But even after praying I still felt discouraged, that was until the Lord reminded me of another weapon . . . His Word. I immediately opened my verse for the day and it was Psalm 27: 14, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”
Comfort finally appeared as I began to trust God to work out the details, and use His ways to make good out of something bad. I just had to choose to be strong, take heart, and wait for the Lord.
I must say through this horrific ordeal the Lord did open my eyes to see the enormity of crimes against women. Many women not being so fortunate to have the safety of their own locked vehicle to protect them from the pursuit of preying perpetrators.
One good thing is that this has left me with a heart to be more mindful and sensitive to woman that have fallen victim to these types of crimes. It has also developed within me an urgency to pray for protection and healing for women all over the world that are also feeling violated, and hiding in their own cocoons.
If that is you or someone you know, please believe this, there is a God that loves you. That never intended for you to be harmed. That weeps with you as you weep, and that is powerful enough to bring healing and hope to those that have lived through the violation of the most sacred parts of their lives.
My prayer is that the God of healing and hope be with you forever!
Diane Swan is a Professional Christian Counselor, Speaker and Blogger who is passionate about using her God given gifts to assist ladies in living victorious lives in Christ. She enjoys sharing true life messages that relate to the complex lives of every day women and leaves them feeling equipped to be more than conquerors in all their battles. Diane and her husband Todd are the founders of Seven Swans Ministries, an organization devoted to living out the gifts of the Spirit by offering a unique array of services to encourage, edify and expand God’s kingdom. Connect with Diane anytime: [btn text=”Facebook” tcolor=#008000 bcolor=#FFF link=”https://www.facebook.com/sevenswansministries.org?pnref=lhc”] – [btn text=”Twitter” tcolor=#008000 bcolor=#FFF link=”https://twitter.com/sevenswansmins”] – [btn text=”Pintrist” tcolor=#008000 bcolor=#FFF link=”http://www.pinterest.com/sevenswansmins/”] – [btn text=”Website” tcolor=#008000 bcolor=#FFF link=”http://sevenswansministries.org”]