Chambersburg, PA

Confessions from an Ex-Mean Girl

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There was a time, years ago, when I was a very. very. mean girl.

The type of girl you hoped wasn’t on the same bus as your innocent child. The kind that was cruel with words, relentless with attacks, and sought out every opportunity possible to humiliate any vulnerable school mate.

A bully to be precise.

I fed off of the tears of my casualties, as if somehow it gave me power . . . but if you know anything about the truth of bullies, you would know that they are actually very. very. weak and insecure. And I was no exception.

My brokenness, fragile identity, and complete lack of self worth combined and created a monster that I presented to the world as my false front, hoping no one would see the truth about who I really was.

It wouldn’t be until I was 26 that I finally met my Savior who was able to remove the monster, heal the broken little girl within, and secure me in my true identity as a precious, loved child of God.

The old me was placed far away. As far as the east is to the west. And the new me was born. No more mean girl. No more bully. No more monster.

For years I had almost forgotten about my bullying days, until I bumped into her . . .

I traveled back to my hometown to celebrate a most joyous occasion. My mom was being baptized. After seeing the radical transformation that occurred within me, my mom decided that there was only one possible explanation for my transformation . . . there must be a God!

She handed her life over to Jesus, was taking the next step of baptism at Grace Assembly of God, and asked me to be the one that prayed over her in front of her new church family. It was and will always be one of the greatest privileges I have experienced in this life.

Afterwards we spent time in fellowship with her new church family, that is when I saw her . . .

Instantly I was back in eighth grade. I could see my former self spewing vile words of hate upon her. Visions of me tormenting the younger version of her over and over again. I felt the heavy weight of conviction pressing down on me when suddenly I became shocked at what I remembered next.

To my utter surprise, I saw her trying to minster to me. I recalled all the times she tried to share about her Savior Jesus. And I watched her walk away from that old yellow bus, holding her bible in her hands, as I yelled profanities at her out the window of the back seat.

There are many sins I had committed in my former life, but few have caused me to feel more disgusted about myself then this.

When I saw those memories in my mind it was like the scattered pieces of a puzzle came flying together to create one clear masterpiece. I felt Jesus speaking to me, saying that even all of those years ago He was pursuing me. He showed me how He used one very sweet girl to try to reach me, even when I was one very ugly monster. He reminded me of how gracious she was, how she didn’t lash back out at me, and how it didn’t stop her from continuing to shine His light. She was everything even way back then, that I was just falling in love with now.

I approached her and couldn’t contain my tears. As I poured out my heart and my regret for all the cruelty I had inflicted upon her, her grace poured back out onto me. She shared how this was the very church she attended when she was a child, and had attended all her life. I was so impressed by her strength and love, so humbled by her grace, so in awe by her ability to truly exemplify what it means to be a follower of Christ.

That’s when I really broke, for I realized in that moment who I was really attacking all those years ago. I realized I wasn’t just attacking her, I was attacking Christ. His word says,

“Whoever listens to you listens to Me; whoever rejects you rejects Me; and whoever rejects Me rejects the One who sent Me.” Luke 10:16

I was rejecting the very Savior that would come and be the rescuer of my soul! The very one that would remove my monster, heal my broken heart and set me free all those years later, was the one I was attacking . . . and the realization broke me once more.

His love is truly amazing. That He would give up His life for a broken, rotten girl that would then in return reject Him for years. His love is so powerful that it strengthens His believers to endure the pains of persecution while they try to share the love of Christ.

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven” Matthew 5:11-12

How truly great will her reward be, when she stands in front of the King!

Whether you find yourself today being a mean girl, an ex-mean girl, or a girl who is currently experiencing persecution, know this . . . there is a God that loves you. Who’s power is unstoppable. Who’s limits have no ends, and who desires to pursue you and bless you, and who has a great eternal reward waiting for all of those who turn to Him.

 

diane square Diane Swan is a Professional Christian Counselor, Speaker and Blogger who is passionate about using her God given gifts to assist ladies in living victorious lives in Christ. She enjoys sharing true life messages that relate to the complex lives of every day women and leaves them feeling equipped to be more than conquerors in all their battles. Diane and her husband Todd are the founders of Seven Swans Ministries, an organization devoted to living out the gifts of the Spirit by offering a unique array of services to encourage, edify and expand God’s kingdom. Connect with Diane anytime: Facebook Pinterest – Twitter – Website

2 thoughts on “Confessions from an Ex-Mean Girl”

  1. Mommy says:

    This brings tears to my eyes! I will never forget this day. I am so sorry for all the pain and suffering you had as a child. I am so thankful for the beautiful woman and Christian you have become. I wished I lived closer so I could share in your ministry. I have such peace knowing how much you have changed and how many other lives you have touched. Keep up the good work and pray for me as I pray for you! With all my love, Mom

    1. Diane Swan says:

      I am so thankful I have you for a mom! <3 <3 <3

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